Travelogue - The journey called Life !

Of London, India and Tampa

2008-04-13T09:44:00.000-07:00

All right, it's been 14 months now. I almost forgot the address of my own blog! It's an old playlist in my iTunes library that pokes me to revive my blog today. Being constantly tuned to music all the time, I have learned to associate music with things or times. Like Chameli songs always remind me of my initial days at my first job when I used work with those songs on. DCH songs always remind me of final year in college. It's strange how human mind works... isn't it? Ahem... although in my case, these days, it's the 'works' part that is more questionable than 'how' part :D And hence, I have no clue at this point what to write about :( This at least makes me go over past 14 months and I 'see myself' having fun with my sister's kids at home in India, driving back from Atlanta through the beautiful countryside, roaming around in London. As if I'm completely detached and I'm not 'me', somebody else watching over me. It's like I'm dreaming without sleeping! he he... either I'm actually sleeping or it's the Pink Floyd on my iTunes that's giving me these mind altering experiences. No, I'm definitely not on any kinda 'grass' on this Sunday afternoon....it's just the psychedelic rock ;)

Hell no...I can't pause at one scene.
The day I brought my first car home in Jul 07 or the day we had rocking cocktail party at my place. The camping at Myakka river or the Atlanta-Smokies trip or the fun at beaches at Miami and Key West.

And much more events - those I missed. So many of fellow comrades lost bachelorhood and fell prey to the mayajaal called marriage. Guddu, Psycho, Sandip, Kishor, Bole, NT, CM, Nikhil, Rahul, HarishB, Nattu and so many of my dearest ones. Their wickets were falling one by one like... of course Indian middle order batting lineup ;) And I wasn't there for them in their difficult times ;) I feel really bad :( I'm sure they're all very very happy being married... and tempt me to be. Nah, me is better away from all this for the moment - the grass on other side always looks greener :D But I hear less often from the guys than I used to. Well, I don't blame them...they're married after all and are supposed to 'listen' more than talk :D :D. I was just watching 'Before Sunrise' the other day (nth time :) ) in which Celine says "... as couples get older, they lose their ability to hear each other. Supposedly, men lose the ability to hear higher-pitched sounds, and women eventually lose hearing in the low end. I guess they sort of nullify each other, or something" - Nature's way of allowing couples to grow old together without killing each other :D

Anyway, If I have to talk about one thing in last 14 months, it's ought to be my one month vacation in Diwali 07 :)) Me on the loose for 4 weeks for the first time in 4.5 yrs after college... naa..ice ;) So I drafted my itinerary and applied for UK visitor visa as I planned to stop in London on my way to India. London was beautiful.... only made my will stronger to wander throughout Europe for at least a couple of weeks. I remember the excellent croissant with eggs and bacon that I used to have in breakfast in Cafe Nero or some place. My foodie mind can associate anything from a person to a city with food :D and then I would hop on the open roof big bus circling through central London. Would get down anywhere, hop on and off. Walking by the Thames in evening was a pleasure I will cherish. The Harrod's was the most beautiful store I've seen, may be not as big as Macy's in NY but still very grand! I think Brit chicks are more beautiful than Americans ;) Number of Indians you see in tube stations at mornings is strikingly more than I had imagined. Spent some quality time with Nikhil there, almost 2.5 yrs after I left the Pune apt!

Then I landed in aamchi Mumbai :) Being on the roads was suddenly a scary thing. Cars, bikes trucks all honking, and me expecting people to signal before changing lane. Well....lane! Although I'm born and braught up in India, 18 months in US changed something in me... or so I thought. Just 3-4 days in India and I was on bike on streets in my hometown... honking relentlessly and crafting my way through narrow passage between truck and following state transport bus 'lal dabba' ;). Genes... you know :D :D
Wow! 16 days that I spent at home just flew by. The day would start with the tea and Diwali delicacies...served at my bed :)) and then loads of fun with my sister's kids. Compare that with me washing last night's dishes and preparing same lame toast and egg omelette before settling in front of my lappy on Sun morning here in Tampa :(
Visited lot of places in India and caught up with many of the folks. But still couldn't manage to make it up to lot of them :( Me and some 15 guys from my school visited the school after ten year, sat in the same classrooms and same desks, that was memorable. Went to Tirupati. Met Appya in Hyd, Guddu, Andya, Kadya, Suhas, Ashutosh in Pune, Bamman, Doc in Mumbai. Saddest part, of course, was when I had to board the Emirates flight from Mumbai...on the way back to Tampa!

Three months...

2007-02-19T10:01:00.000-08:00

Boyy! It's been complete three months that I wrote somehthing on my blog. It's been so hectic in past few weeks that I couldn't even take time to visit my own blog :( Some respite is expected in coming weeks and I already got a much awaited break with this long weekend :)

So many things happened since my last post...

I enjoyed the Thanksgiving and Christmas weekends here
The year 2007 started...
I visited NY and met Appya
Simi came to US and went back
I watched "The Angrez" nth time :D :D

I moved to a new apartment

I visited Channelside for every other bollywood release
- Dhoom2 - Actually crap movie but still worked!
- Guru - Good one but too many flaws for a Mani movie!
- Salaam-E-Ishq - 210 minutes of torture. The judicial system in India could actually use this as an alternative to 1o years rigorous imprisonment :D. I slept for half an hour, went out and talked to a friend in India for 30 mins and went back in theatre - it was still going on :(
- Eklavya - Good and different one! I liked the "Chini Kum" trailor they showed during the interval. 63 yr old AB falls in love with Tabu who's in 30s. AB is doing some interesting and different kinda movies... I guess only written keeping him in mind!

I worked like a dog :(
(Kutte ki jindagibi to acchi rehti... Ismail Bhai in The Angrez )
I became a regular on cricket ground and managed to have some ;) respect in team as a bowler :D

I started working out and lost record 4 pounds in 15 days in Dec 06
( Well, Some great scientist (Einstein? ...nah! ) said "...to every action there is equal and opposite reaction..." I discovered he was close but not entirely correct. The reaction is opposite but not always equal.
I regained more than 4 pounds in last 5-6 weeks :D :D
(All guffaws be damned, I'm gonna start working out again!)

We actully had this "The year that passed by..." mail series on the DL of my college friends (like last year
Lemme put it in a seperate post.
And NY trip highlights in another one :)

If looks could kill...

2006-11-19T14:02:00.000-08:00

If looks could kill....she would've wiped out an army ;)
Thmubs up! Casino Royale is rocking movie and Eve Green is real cool :)

The inComplete Man - 2

2006-11-14T20:34:00.000-08:00

[Continued from ]
Apoorv did not get a booking for a train to home on the same day as other folks from his hometown and eventually Purva too had decided to leave a day later for some reason. By 12 midnight, they had bid adieu to almost all folks and were left with few guys on the road in front of library. And, for the Nth time, somebody brought up the topic of "future plans". Everybody had plans. Rohit was already placed with an IT firm and was going to be back to Pune after vacations.
"So, I'll keep dropping in here and keep guiding the juniors for their final year projects ;)" - Rohit announced.
"Ohhh..." Everybody exclaimed, knowing whom he was interested in guiding.
"Rehne de rehne de, kaam kariyo apna waha pe, company se bhi GPL mil jayegi nai to. Usse se to mil hi chuki hai :D" - People started pulling his legs.
"I'm gonna assist Papa in business." - Engineering had always been a 4 yr long vacation for Jeetu.
"My GRE classes will start in July at Visu in Hyderabad. Nov se pehle GRE de hi doonga." Apoorv had been busy all the thru' the finaly yr building his vocab and was keen on doing his MS in network security.
"I'll definitely bell the CAT this Nov. So I'll be back to Pune. yupiee... Pune tithe kay une? ;) I need to decide on whihc branch of CF to choose for the classes though" - Purva declared. IIMA was the dream institute for her and she was all geared up to better her score from earlier attempt of CAT.
"Are bas karo yaar, pakau giri...tell me who all are coming for Shilpa's marriage next month" Medha complained. And the discussions went on. Folks got back at respective hostels only by 3 AM.
Apoorv had been tossing in the bed for whole morning. "Is she really "the one" for me? But will she even accept me as a life partener. She seems to like me...but she never talked about this thing. Do I even need to think of this now? What if she's not been thinking of this, what if she throws a sterotype "Oh, I've only considered you as a good friend of mine always"? I don't wanna be a looser. She must be thinking of this....let her indicate something and then I'll take my step forward"

Apoorv and Purva had most of the day to spend together. They met at mama-ki-tapri as usual the next morning for break-fast. Deprived of sleep , his eyes looked reddish and face gloomy.
"Campus pe aakhri din bhi nahaya nahi kya? :P" Purva was in usual teasing mood.
"Khud ke jaisa samajha kya sabko?" He tried to lighten his own mood.
The Poha plates were finished with unsual slience today.
"Aur?" She just tried to break the silence thinking - "Duffer, it's the last day, say something!!!"
"Bass, will leave this campus forever today, feeling very giddy". And they went on talking about the funny things on campus and what they will miss. She never could give an explicit indication and he never found courage to broach the topic. The feelings were mutual...but they never quite managed to express.

And they bid good bye to each other promising to "keep in touch".Phone calls continued for few months, then emails and forwards became the only means of keeping in touch. One day, he recieved an email about her engagement. "Only a mail....she could have given a call at least" he kept wondering even though it was too late for him to talk anything.
"Mail padhke call nahi kar sakta tha??" she kept thinking.

After 7 yrs.

After working at few other locations for different clients, Apoorv had moved to Chicago and it was just a week he shifted to this apartment. On the halloween day a group of desi and videsi kids stormed the apartment. Doing "trick or treat" and collecting chocolates and goodies in their bags.
"Is this halloween getup or you're like this generally?" He was stumped by a cute 5 yr old girl in a way similar to that first day on college campus.

And the second day, he spotted the same girl holding hand of Purva in the nearby WalMart. Life had come full circle for him. "Still preying? ;)" Purva quipped on his bachelorhood when they sat down in the StarBucks cafe. "Waiting for the best one :)" He replied to her, but had actually intended to say "the second best that is.....".

The inComplete Man

2006-11-12T20:32:00.000-08:00

"As an outsider, what is your view about homo sapiens?" (A wicked grin on her face and a wave of laughter in the hall followed)
Such was the rivalry between Apoorv and Purva that She could have rarely missed a chance to embarass him in front of all the profs and students in this QA round Mr Engineer contest.

"Whatever it was earlier, Looking at you today makes me feel that they are on their backward journey towards apes in evolution".
He blew away the nasty delivery to the boundary with charm.
Humiliated and embarassed, she actually felt for a moment that something was wrong with her face today which otherwise had an impeccable record of keeping his eyes glued at. Apoorv had fallen for her the very first day he saw her. Sitting at the mama-ki-tapri infront of the college, his eyes fell on this heavenly figure one day. She had all the features of his dream girl - tall , fare with rarefied skin that gave her face that wonderful enticing glow. The long silky hair and kaan-ki-bali gave her a truely beautiful and unique look in the crowd of Jeans and Ts.
Trying to take in as much of "EyeTonic" as possible ;), he had fumbled & picked up her notebook instead of his while paying at the counter. She too was, at first, impressed by the way he was carrying himself in the tapri. Somehow, she thouht of this act as an explicit attempt and snapped back at him saying
"Is there any special occasion today or you always show such stupidity?".

That day onwards, their paths crossed innumerable times in the campus, but everytime they ended up barking at each other. He would follow her face everywhere. He was like

"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping"

in full Aerosmith style ;) Once she found him at the door of reading room only waiting for her to come out.
And she burst out with disgust "Oh, my god".
"You can call me Apoorv (instead of calling god)
- equally irritating was his reply too. However, irritating and baffling his actions were...he appeared to be charming at times and it used to keep her thinking about him. Her roomies at girls hostel would find that faint line of smile on her face, while she would be standing alone on the corridor on a clement winter night.

[Caution readers : author taking here the superfast bollywood route ;)]

Slowly but steadily, his deewanagi started paying off and she started to melt. Like you fiddle with spoon the just-out-of-freezer hard ice cream in a bowl and it melts smoothly with passage of time.

[Okay, author is pathetic at metaphor :D].

By the third year, they were "good friends" and went on to become "best friends". Every hostel function would carry a few fishponds on them. Otherwise the livewire of the group, he started keeping aloof with the boys' hostel group. They started abusing the free text messaging service of BPL mobile ;). Sitting in lectures, doing practicals in comp lab with one hand (and smsing with other), or eating in the mess- they always had the intelligent-fluid-crispy and sometimes tangential to dil-wil-pyar-vyar conversations going on. So much so that, at times, she would hit the "A" button on computer keyboard twice to type "C" in the try-catch block in comp. programming labs :D. Watching action flicks with his gang was no more his favourite timepass. They were being spotted at Vijay, Alaka or Mangla for the romantic comedies like"Laws of Attraction". And would analyze the laws of attraction betn them, standing alone in hostel corridors. Apart from the natural young male-female bond between them, she had also emerged as the ultimate spiritual guru for him. After his Mom, she was perhaps the only female in his life to whom he would talk about each n every negligible or significant thing on earth and in his life. Fortunately ( or unfortunately as he would think of it) they din't immerse completely in this ishq-ka-samundar and went on clearing each academic year. Except when she had flunked twice in theory of computing and he had spent his night-out for her subject isntead of his paper thenext day. Thus they reached that ultimate "zindagi ka mode" where they were about to graduate and hence would be no more on the same campus. This was as if the cornerstone of their strange relationship - they always believed in enjoying each other's company for the momentand would never talk anything about their relationship after college days. Eventually, all the departmental farewell parties and hostel GPL ( G$%d Pe Laath) nights were over. And then suddenly they arrived at the inevitable moment of seperation. Taking stock of all the fun and the glorious 4 yrs stay on campus, writing those slambooks...sometimes mechanically with no emotions and sometimes with giddy hearts, they din't quite knewhow to take forward this relationship of theirs. Nobody talked anything...and eventually they were venturing out on their own seperate ways. The last night on campus was spent with all folks. They were sitting on the road in front of library the whole night, singing songs and recalling some of the golden moments. That night most of the Qualis and Sumos started moving out of the campus. Vehicles with loads of suitcases and folks with loads of emotions....

[Author weeping over last-day-in-college memories now. Bookmark the link for the second part of the ishtory. Sequels ka jamana hai bhai!]

(Dedicated to Appya, for it was his inspireshan that I thought of writing fiction on my blog for the first time)

Gupta is leaving Chennai....

2006-11-10T08:58:00.000-08:00

As Appya has put it, "Finally Gupta's tryst with Chennai is ending" (A tryst he's having with a soul in Chennai might as well continue in Pune and even blossom :D. Ahem...that's a different ishtory...ishtory ke ishtart maich divert ho re apan, back on track now.) I'm sure he's going to enjoy in Pune as well...such a jolly person he is. We (Me, Gupta, Appya, Mridu, Bhau, Khobra, Psycho, Saket) had made this "Maitri" apartment in Chenani as our second home over last 2-3 yrs. And then there were NRMs (Non Resident Maitriites) like Tiffy, Nandini, Rajesh and Bikram ;) Everybody's moving on now. Me and Appya came to 'amrica', Mridu n Nandini got busy wid their married (with each other! ;)) life. And now, Gupta is leaving too.
For the initial months in Chennai (when I was put up in guest house) I had never thought that I will miss those Chennai days ever. And used to lament about being away from Pune. But now, sitting here in Florida, I do miss those Chennai days. Solely because of the the wonderful and enigmatic life ishtyle we followed in Maitri. Each one of us beign a "character". As I've written earlier in this post, Psycho is a character worth a study of life-time ;). For khobra, sleeping was the second best pleasure on earth. (No, you perverts...the first one was chatting in yahoo rooms :D) He would alwasy keep his ass facing the roof...easy to kick for us :D. Working in an IT tech solutions company, Bhau was called the call centre boy , for he would be on his cell phone 24x7!. And as Psycho puts it "after God their is Gupta" ;) Gupta really carries that charming persona...and delivers crispy dialogues with great timing. I left Chennai in a haste and hence did not get time to take stock of the things. Gupta's leaving Chennai and that made me nostalgic. I will definitely cherish those memories for life time. I will always remember Gupta's special chai on those lazy Sundays. Those visit to Mridu n Nandini's place and food we got to hog :D. I remember scribbling about one such visit. The new year parties at home...birthday parties in some rocking pubs like Bikes n Barrels and Savera.
Waise, I would not prefer to go back to Chennai. But for some strange reason, I hope we all get back to Maitri in Chennai sometime in future - Sipping either Aavin's lassi or Gupta's chai, jogging to the thiruvanmiyur beach with Psycho, pulling Psycho's legs and kicking Khobra's a$$, playing galli cricket on road in fron or take badminton lessons from Bhau and line marofying same-wali-aunty :D. Who knows this could ever happen or not. As kishor da has sung in his eternal voice "Jindagi ke safar main gujarr jate hai jo makaam.....wo fir nahi aate. Wo....fir nahi aate". But I do wish so...and that's what signifies ...

PS: Go thru' Appya's take of the Chennai ishtory here :)

So Close...

2006-09-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

I had never felt so close to... death! Whatever be the facts - that I was having a life jacket on, I could hit the ground with legs (so water wasn't that deep) or I managed to hold the rope around the raft which I was loosing (and it seemed like 'the last straw' for me). Mainly coz of the fact that I could possibly compete with only an african rhino in a swimming ;) Swimming in the grade 3 rapid wouldn't have been easy even for a swimmer anyways. And the only near death experiences I had earlier were - managing to sit through physics lecutres (2 hrs non stop!) of Prof Mane :D. The Pigeon River runs through the scenic Cherokee National Forest in East Tennessee and offers one of the more exciting whitewater runs in the southeast. It has grade 2-4 rapids and is controlled by a hydo-electric plant. Incidentally, it was me who raised the query "Will this be able to float 181 (176 +5) pounds?" for the life jacket in the briefing session before starting. And it did :) 176 + 5... coz, I still cant digest the fact that I've gained 5 pounds over the 176 pounds after coming here to Tampa (though I happily digest even the gator tail and things like this which are responsible for this + 5 :( )

Me & Sudesh had volunteered (had khujli.....to talk colloquially ;)) for being the lead persons for paddling and hence were sitting in front. Wow! it was so wonderful and thrilling. It was real cool when cold water splashed across our raft in the first rapid. We just had to paddle through the rapids to maintain the direction. After passing through first few rapids we got into a slow patch and I decided to relax a little. It was then that we again entered and grade 3 rapid and a big wave thrashed our raft. Sitting on side of the raft, as I tried to peddle through, I tumbled and fell backward into water. Somehow, could catch hold of the rope going round the raft. And the drama started. Everybody on the raft panicked. The guide, who was sitting at other end, staretd shouting on other members - "Give the damn paddle to him...sit tight..." (He later told us the reason for shouting. In one of his recent trip, every other person fell down and he had a touhg time pulling them back!). The raft is made up of very durable, multi-layered rubberized fabrics with several independent air chambers and generally has a rope running round it. While falling down I had somehow managed to hold this rope with one hand. Gosh, when I think of it now, nothing seems very clear, everything happened so suddenly! In the moments of falling off the boat, I guess, I was not at all feared. It was kinda thrilling and I thought "Okay, I'm just falling off the raft". Now, since I was hanging from the front side of the raft, I started going below the raft. It being a grade 3 rapid, the raft was moving fast down the stream. As Instructed, Vipul offered me the other end of his paddle to hold. It seems I kinda tried to grab it from him and it fell into water! By now, my grip on the rope was getting weaker and I was hitting rocks at the bottom. As the raft was tryong to travel above me, It became difficult for Sudesh and Natraj to have a grip on me or my jacket to pull me up. I started tasting the Pegeon water and it was then that all the thrill went away and I started loosing hope. For few moments at least, I said to myself "mamu, tera chaptar khatam" (Ever heard the hindi slang " fat ke 74 ho gayi.." :D ) May be because of the fact that I was under water, I was not able to hear my fellow team-mates' voices. It was like they were coming form a remote place or rather I was going away from them...from all the surroundings. And I thought I am dying! I was literally scared-to-death. Meanwhile, I they had managed to catch hold of my life jacket. It was then easy for Natraj and Sudesh to pull me up. The next moment I clearly remember was - I was lying on the raft , face down. The funniest part was that I was holding my paddle all through those 1-2 minutes in water!. God knows why... as if I were gonna paddle and float with help of it :P.

The same day, we had one more near death experience. This was a different one though - the skycraper ride! The rush of the wind, the instant flash of the chairs whistling by and the thrill screams overload your senses as your heart starts pounding and you anticipate how it will feel when it is your turn. Turn to flip upside down and plunge headfirst 10 stories only to swoop up again in a 360 degree arc! The camera fitted on the chair records all the action on you face and relays it on a tv near the counter. Watching those vidoes was even funnier, esp. Prasanna's :P. Earlier that day, this guy presented the "smoky-hypothesis" with such a guile that I actually started thinking on, for a moment though. Ab kiske baap ko pata why Smoky mountains are called smoky ;). If you are interested in knowing the smoky-hypothesis- "A special kinda grass is found on these mountains. Inhaling this grass gives a high...like smoking cigarette. and some more crap on these lines. Hence the Smoky mountains...".

The next day, walking the 2.5 miles trail through thick woods and by sides of the beautiful creek to reach Abrams falls was awesome.

Ahem...blog is not exactly an ideal place to talk about the barbecue night we had at the cabin ;). All in all, Smoky trip was great fun - thanks to the folks in the picture above :)

Missing Ganesh Festival

2006-08-27T16:35:00.000-07:00

Boyy...all of Maharashtrians back home were busy welcoming lord Ganesha in their homes yesterday while I was sleeping tight. This is photo in Times of India is enough to take me back to the childhood memories when I used to bring home the Ganesh idol on chaturthi. This is one festival to whihc I've been closely attached throuhout my life. Be it as a child excited with all the laddus being prepared (Oh, my inclination towards food is right from childhood...it's now that it is resulting in so-uncool tummy :( ) or as a young boy busy with lotsa cultural activities to be carried out at the genesh mandal in the galli. Then in college, we used have full fun in 10 days of ganesh festival, it being celebrated together by both the hostels (Girls & Boys). How can I not mention the ganesh festivals I witnessed while staying at the heart of Pune.

Lakshmi Road in Pune...Ganesh festival... huge ( I mean Huge ;) ) crowd ... beautiful pandals, gulal, reverberating sound of dhols and great enthu all in the air. And we college friends at centre of all this action! Nothing can get better than this :) Can it?

Two Happening Weeks

2006-07-22T15:40:00.000-07:00

In the past few years, Jun-Jul have typically been languid or filled with nostalgia. (2004 and 2005 posts) for me. This year is proving to be an exception though. Had many more things to talk/write about but wasn't getting time in last few days. Domino Effect is what we probably could call these chain of events. It all started on evening of Fri, July 7. Now, there are 3 threads which I would like to talk about. Other two would deserve separate posts :)

Okay so coming back to Fri eve, I was doing tp in Navlur office canteen where one event called "IME idol" was going on. One guy was singing "breathless" and he breathed so many times that Shankar Mahadevan would have committed suicide after seeing that ;) Okay, Fri eve part is purely eventual, tp is what I'd been doing in Chennai in last so many months. Either there was some IME icon going on or me and Prasad (my buddy in Navlur who's from Latur :) ) were relishing cup-corn and gossiping about his latest crush ;) . At 5.45 the asst. of our delivery manager called on my cell. She, obviously, talks in typical tambi (tamil) accent.
She: "Raamanaa... where are you maa ? This is Harini here"
Me: "Tell me Harini, I'm here at the IME icon."
She: " Listen ma, Prasad wants you to see him imm. He is going to schedule an interview at 6 and you may need to travel immediately."
Me: "(silent) 6 is 15 mins from now! what interview, which technology, which project, ...location???"
Me: "Okay Harini, I'll be there in 5 mins."

At 6.30 after a brief discussion about skills and tech, we were talking about my possible travel date to the onsite manager. Since he wanted me there ASAP, I gave my consent to the plan of travelling on Tue, 11th jul. Next 2 days was the weekend and nothing was going to happen on that front. So, after making a few calls to home, I was ready with my itinerary (Wasn't that quick? :) ) I would travel to Mumbai on Tue, meet the parents there at sister's place and board the Lufthansa flight from Mumbai. (And pack my bags in between!) I wanted to have my 4th visit in last 10 months to Tirupati on sat. (This was the earlier trip) And this one was going to be different!

I had 6.25 AM train for Chennai and barely managed to reach the station at 6.20. The time I could have printed on my ticket was 6.27. Now, generally this train does not leave on time, but the that day it did! A coolie suggested that I should board the Mumbai bound train, get down at Renigunta and take a bus tirupati. I jumped into the train, and started finding place in the general bogie. The journey was dull; I finally got down at Renigunta at 10 AM. Now, after getting down, a TC asked me for ticket. Thinking that I've done no wrong this time and have travelled in general bogie, I showed the ticket to him.

He: "This is a super fast train, sir. You will have to pay a fine of Rs 260."
Me: (silent) "What the heck!"
Me: "Boss, I have the ticket and have travelled in general bogie only."

It turned out that this train was a super fast and I should have bought an additional Rs 10 ticket for that. These guys seemed to have some collection target to be met and had stopped many passengers like me. Having got used to plastic money, I was only carrying Rs 250 hard cash with me. Damn! This 5 ft 2 inch middle aged creature was staring at me demanding with his button like eyes. His shining bald head made me think of my dreaded future ;) And that made me dislike this guy much more perhaps.
Me: "Boss, can't we settle this between us? I don't have enough money with me, you keep this 100."
He: "No, you have to pay Rs 260. (250 fine for the 10 bucks additional tickets that I din't know to buy!) and I'll give you the receipt."
This guy seemed hell bent on putting Rs 260 in Lalu's rail dept instead of 200 in his pocket :(.
Me: "Okay, I'm ready to pay the fine, but I'm 10 bucks short of 260!"
He: "I don't know that. You tell this in court then"
(Utter crap... %#%*%$)
Me: "Okay, do we have an ATM at this station."
He: "Yes, it's there at the gate."
I searched for some change in the bag and counted the total money I had. Rs 262! I paid 260 bucks and got the reciept. Done, now I looked around and came to know that there's no ATM here and nearest one is at Tirupati. Ticket to Tirupati? Only Rs 5. Total amount of cash with me - One Re 1 coin and two 50 paise coins :(
For a few moments, I was clueless as to what would I do. I was already at railway platform and din't have enough money to get to ATM or have breakfast (It was 10.30 and I was really getting hungry) I remembered giving away 2 bucks to the beggar in train and thought I could have had that money to reach Rs 5 target needed to get to Tirupati and ATM. One weird thought brushed through my mind. If I have been giving away 1,2,5 bucks to beggars, I might as well sit here and beg for ;) And I started to think of the competition. I mean, there were already many beggars on the platform and my ipod and pepe jeans would have done anything but make me strong contender in the competition ;) So, I went back to that tc fellow.
Me: "You told that there's an ATM here but it's not."
He: "Oh yes, I was wrong, you will have to go to Tirupati. Rs 5 is the bus ticket. Bus stand is nearby"
Me: (silent) "@#$$#$#$" "I dont even have that. what do I do now?
This guy suspected that I was lying. What the heck..why I would I lie for Rs 5 after paying 260 in fine! The guy then took out a Rs 5 coin out of his pocket and said "For sympathy sake I have to pay Rs 5 from my pocket" I grabbed that and thanked him. Reached Tirupati, took out the money from SBI ATM and vowed to keep some extra cash with me in future ;) On the way up to the Tirumala hills, one bus broke down in middle of the road. We had this big queue of vehicles behind it and people trying to get that bus off the road. Somehow, the bus had jammed and would not move an inch however the people pushed. At times, people would be pushing in opp. directions from front and back ;) Total chaos! It was fun watching it. I then got a lift from a guy who was able to get his bike through.
On my way back, the Tirupati-Chennai train stopped at Renigunta. There was very little chance of finding the same tc on the station. I had a Rs 5 coin with me. Just went to that cabin and checked if the tc fellow was still there. He was there indeed and recognized my face in the crowd. It was only in the morning that he had met me, after all. Now, I thought I will be embarrassed to have borrowed 5 bucks and returning it. But actually, the fellow was embarrassed when I took out the coin.
He: "No no you need not to do that. Don't think bad of me, I was just doing my duty."
I put the coin in his hand and thanked him again.

Schizophrenia & Football

2006-07-06T02:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, Football is a natural topic to choose for a blog post, but what about schizophrenia?? Who cares about natural things, am not writing about natural people anyways ;) .There is football and there are football fans. There still are frenetic football fans & then there are... or probably there IS only ONE schizophrenic football fan. I live with one!. We 5 guys stay together here in Chennai in a big house and one of them is the creature am talking about. I know this guy (we call him "Psycho", the most appropriate pet name ever given :) ) from last 7 yrs as he happens to be a good friend and a classmate from my engineering days.

Night of 25th June 2006. England were playing against Equador in the 2nd round of football world cup 2006. Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder characterized by distortions of reality and disturbances of thought and language and withdrawal from social contact. Coming back to this perticular match. Now, there are two versions of the match we need to discuss. One that was going on in REAL world where England were struggling to score a goal against Equador in first half and the score was 0-0. All of us other flatmates, who were not at house, got calls from Psycho - "Abe, England ki to lag gayi, 2 goals thok diye Equador ne England ke khilaf first half main!!!". Though I would not call myself a football freak, this news was still able to rouse me a little and I said "Achha!!!".
One by one we all got back to home and told each other about the score report that Psycho gave all of us. We were then baffled to see a 0-0 score on tv where the match was still going on. Psycho was staring at the screen, mouth open & body loose, as if he'd lost all his senses. It was after shaking him for 2-3 minutes that he at least seemed to be talking to me. My obvious question was "Abe, idhar to 0-0 hai score tu to bola ke 2 goal ho gaye England ke khilaf!". Psycho was still mumbling something, that somebody from Equador scored 2 goals and all.
At that split moment I realised the bitter truth. My dear friend has got schizophrenic and the score he was reporting was from the virtual England Vs Equador match that he was imagining. No doubt that England was loosing in HIS version of the match, because I knew how he used to hate England team. This guy had been walking/eating/drinking only football from last few days. Was deprived of sleep for last 8 days as he had to watch each and every match every day which made him stay awake till 3 AM. And then he would be dosing off in the bus at 7.30 AM on his way to office. Office would be the place where he'll keep discussing about football again, thanks to the bulletin boards at office. (I have even heard of the stories of people selling used ball pen refills specifying how much ink was left in it and bids coming in at 25 paise!)
Anyway, all this football mania has taken it's toll. The symptoms he's showing are called positive ones. Then there are negative symptoms of Schizophrenia. I've been doing a lot of R&D over this topic since then and the cause in this case seems to be environmental. Paranoia Network is one of the places where these kind of patients can find community support. Even the great people like John Nash are thought to have been affected by Schizophrenia. This, sometimes, makes me feel that even my dear friend must of that league ;) lol. But, at other times, I'm very much worried about his and his family' future. Just thought of making an appeal through my blog to all of you to be more careful and sympathetic towards such people. Those who want to see a live demo of "A beautiful mind" can visit our house in Chennai and meet Psycho. Psycho is a 26 yr old IT professional and looks a little like Hrithik Roshan. No it's just about his looks, otherwise he has only 10 fingers on his hands ;) lol We are also thinking of hosting charity shows featuring this guy and proceeds from these shows will be channelized towards the self help groups like Paranoia Network. If people can buy tickets to watch John Nash in "A beautiful mind" they sure will love to spend time and money for this one. We guarantee to show you a character worth a study of lifetime! ;)

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to the actual events and persons in this post is coincidental. If I get killed after this post, my flat mates know who is to be jailed or rather to be sent to mental hospital ;-)

Chennai

2006-04-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

21st April 06 will have started by the time I finish this post & that makes me 8 months old in Chennai. He he he ..not that It's a landmark or something, but am in the retrospective mood again. I remember a joke about the slow nature of game of chess which shows a picture of a person watching two old fellows staring at the chess board and the person comments "I've not seen anybody so slow at doing-nothing ! ". I guess I'm beating those old fellows too :( just whiling away the lots n lots of free time I've got these days. I wonder whether I'll be able to get a such a time span again. On the positive side, I've been able to work on the things I've been obsessed with in last few years. The weirdest part is that I'm not fully enjoying it either. I keep cribbing about being in Chennai instead of Pune, but am not sure if that really is the problem. Though I've completed 8 months here, I have always been "here for 2-3 months" ! That is, it's not been clear that I'm gonna stay this longer in Chennai. So, every now and then there's this longing to get back to Pune - to enjoy "moong bhaji" at our fav spot at Lakshmi Road, to chat with friends sipping the famous cold coffee at ... (Gawd...I've started forgetting the names of restaurants now :( . Umm....it's Durga I guess) , to have special mango mastani at Sujata, to take a ride to Chandni Chawk in the night, to visit the Poona Hospital wala two wheelr bridge and the place which had become our Mini Hostel after we guys came to Pune in 2003. Hmm... "Pune tithe kaay une?" :)

I dunno, Chennai would not be that bad a place after all, but I find it weird. The people, the weather, food , language everything poses a problem. I keep facing the incidents like these which make me feel that this place is not for me :(

>> After a Michael Johnson like run to the bus stop I cramp my legs in the seat, barely managing my breathe and the bloody cacophony starts (It’s called some “Suryan FM radio” here), spoiling my day at the very beginning. I try to cajole the driver to reduce the volume. He, of course, doesn’t understand Hindi & English and instead increases it. Even after I communicate my message with broken tamil (kamii, kunjam ), he just doesn’t do me the favor.

>> It’s raining heavily and the auto-rickshaw breaks down in the middle of the road. The driver struggles hard doing something in back of the auto, pulling the handle again and again. Gets drenched in rain; Gupta (sitting with me) manages to make his voice reach him and offers him our umbrella. The driver still doesn’t want to put off the dhin-chak tamil song going on!

>> I really appreciate the services rendered at our company's adyar guest house. Everything is so neat and tip top. At dinner table, the attendant serves chutney in my plate & carefully picks up the dosa with the fork and just when I think he’ll carefully place it in the other part of the plate, he (careful still ;-) ) puts it right on the chutney. These guys just don’t have any aesthetic sense in these matters. At office canteen, the server at the counter just doesn’t know the funda of “thoda rice”, “less rice”, “kunjam saadam”. All he knows is take a BIG scoop of rice and throw it onto the plate :(

>> I need not talk about the buses and the hygiene of aam junta here I guess. In a city bus, we 5 are sitting on the last seat which is meant for 6. A girl (typical tambi….no where near the gorgeous Pune gals ;-) ) comes in and stands in front of us thinking that there is no space to sit. One of us adjusts to one side and offers her a seat. She gives a scornful look and prefers to stand. As if we were gonna do “##$$%^ $$^^ ” on here there.

>> Food habits of people & manners of waiters – Can talk a lot on this. You guys probably know it.

>> Language again. A cognizant employee, sitting besides me, asks me (in tamil) where the bus is going. I answer “Thiruvanmiyur”. Again he asks something in tamil. I pickup the word ECR and tell him that it goes via that route. Again he has something to ask in tamil. This time I give up and tell him “tamil teriyad” i.e. “I don’t know tamil”. Now, the guy being an IT pro like me, my expectation was that he will apologize and ask the previous question in English. What happened was, he simply turned away and asked the same question in tamil to other tambi guy!

>> Every now & then, I see photos of MLAs literally touching the feet of Jayalalita in The Hindu.

Untitled ;-)

2006-04-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

Standing in the mart, I ask for riddance of all woe,
for I have neither friend nor foe

I went in search of evil, only to find none.
Looking into myself, realized there was more evil none.

None becomes great, just because of fame.
Thorn-apple is called gold, what's in a name!

Growing big is no growing, like a tree of date.
Neither shade nor fruit to the traveller, oh what a fate.

Ask not the caste of the great, only knowledge he gained hard.
Evaluate the sharpness of the sword, never the scabbard.

Having come, all have to leave, be it prince or pauper.
Lived as they did, one on throne and one in shackles deeper.

With the power of mind, everything shatters
All I got to say is "nothing else matters"

Came across this wonderful peice on a pal's Orkut profile :) BTW, Orkut is a nice place , isn't it? Everything that's backed by Google is a wonderful thing. Picture this : When I joined Orkut some 15 motnhs back, it had around 3 million users. The count now shows 16 million!! And when they launched Google Pages in beta, they had to close it down due to a deluge of people signing up!

Japali....

2006-04-10T09:33:00.000-07:00

This was my third visit to Tirupati in last 8 months of stay in Chennai. Well, the motives have not entirely been religious :) I like it on the Tirumala hills; there’s something in the air which enchants me. I have been visiting it from childhood with family. The chanting of ‘Suprabhatam’ stotra, breathtaking views from the hills, huge crowd of pilgrims drawn from all parts of country, the exotic smell of laddus - everything is so special about the place ( Oh, my inclination towards food knows no boundaries J… and hence boundaries of my tummy have also started getting distorted :( )
The visit this time was special though. First of all, I went in for the early morning darshan (Archana Ananthara Darshanam). At 7 AM only, I took the darshan and was back to the room to compensate for the less-than-normal quota of sleep last night. Ah, just got reminded of the beautiful sentence displayed at the ‘Woodside’ – “It’s not the darshan you take; it’s the darshan he gives.” – couldn’t agree more with the author J. ‘Woodside’ is the only restaurant there which serves decent northy food and is near to the temple, so had lunch there.
The best part was the visit to Japali Teertham & Hanuman temple. Was happy to pay Rs. 150 to the Auto-Rickshaw wala old fellow for a 10 km trip & 1 hr waiting while round trip Chennai to Tirupati (by train) costs Rs 96! The Hanuman temple at Japali is one of the least known and most worthy places of visit in Tirumala. After a kilometre's trek into the woods, the darshan of lord Anjaneya is really a memorable experience. There’s a lake in thick of the woods and nothing like just sitting there listening to the chirping of birds and splashing of water. Those are the only sounds you can hear as people rarely visit this place. I was visiting it after exactly 10 years! Mar 96 was the time when I had been there earlier with all of my family. There are now well built steps leading to the place which were not there in 96. I have fond memories of that visit as it was the last trip with the whole family (3 elder sisters, younger brother, Mom and Dad; Quite a big family I’ve got :) ) The sisters then got married one by one and now even coming together twice a year seems to be difficult :( . Aso… the worst part this time was that I had only 30 minutes to spend there as I had a train to catch at 5.20. When I’ll visit next time, I will have whole day to spend and a novel to finish at this place. Trust me, no earthly pleasure (except THE one you-know-what ;-), which I haven’t experienced yet) could possibly match this one :).

iPod Video

2006-04-06T03:23:00.000-07:00

Finally, I got my iPod video yesterday. One would never have to explain the meaning of KLPL after going thru' what I had to (Don't go asking for meaning if you don't know it laready ;-)). First of all, I had to wait for almost 1 month (which seemd like a year!) longer than other employees to get the annual gift as I had changed my location recently. So after going through hassles of mailing/calling the most busy persons in the organization (there are a lot of them, everybody in support functions like HR,NSS considers himself to be one), I went to TCO to collect my iPod. Finding the ERT (Employee Relationship Team, ahh...dont go by the words - relationship would be the last thing an employee will think of after meeting the snorty bi!@hes there!) desk was made easy with Bhau's help. The lady there, as if they were cutting the cost of iPod from her salary, started giving me glares. There I was, explaining her that the Pune HR gal had mailed her the day before and I was supposed to collect it today. After running a search in outlook with the gal's name and taking 5 long minutes, she declared victoriously that there was no such mail and she could not give me my gift! How I wish if people had Google Desktop on their systems. It gives the list of what you are looking for even before you finish typing! Okay...ye thoda jyada ho gaya...but fir bhi ;-).
Poor me :( , had to go back to my desk and confirm with the concerned person. So after making sure once again, I went to have a second encounter with the same lady. This time around she was able to find the mail & suddenly the glares turned into apologetic looks :). Then as I was signing on the paper, I could catch her throwing a 'glance of admiration' at my trendy wrist watch. (Thanks to my bro ;-) It's not that I have been target of such 'glances of admiration' very often in past....that too from such snorty bi!@hes! ) I came out truimphant...holding the iPod in my hands & shooting a sarcastical "Thanks" at her.
Of course, it goes without saying ;-), I left office by 3.30 PM shuttle thinking of loading loads of songs and.... well...videos ;-) in my iPod. So I reached home, carefully opened the box & connected it to the PC. It was then that I realized that the piece was faulty and woudn't charge or get listed on iTunes :(. After going throgh all the troublshoting steps on Apple's award winning support site & asking myself a tenth time "Why me of all ??", I'm ready to deal with the same lady a third time in two days for it's replacement. Pray! - may the force be with me ;-)

Dumbstruck

2006-03-13T00:35:00.000-08:00

Amazing, incredible, unbelievable .... these were the words that were doing rounds in the mind as I was being testimony to the-one-of-its-kind one day match (betn SA & AUS) ever played. Okay... I don't give a damn to cricket matches and don't keep track of them these days. I had to be extremely lucky to watch this one live! One day cricket - stretched far off its limits! Boyy....what an entertainer!!!

AUS - 434/4 in 50 overs
SA - 438/9 in 49.5 overs
In all, 26 sixes and some 88 boundaries hit ;-)
(with NO big INDIVIDUAL batting records set )
This summary sure gives an idea of how incredibly the things were happening. "They need script writers to run a commentary of this match" - A Zimbabwean player. The world over will be talking about this match tomorrow ... and probably forever ;-) I was literally sitting there dumbstruck, with my jaw
dropped - throughout :).

Gupta was checking the score on net and Bhau was watching Munnabhai MBBS in hall. Gupta said AUS are setting a world record by crossing 400 and lets watch the match on TV. And there we were... telling each other how SA should give up and 435 , in any way, seems to be an unrealistic target to achieve. Then after some time we found that SA were, however, giving a tough fight. Couldn't then switch to other channel till Boucher scripted history with the last boundary of the day, with 1 ball and 1 wicket left. In fact, nobody left the ground even after that!
Till today afternoon, I would have said SL's 398 vs Kenya was a record that would be there forever. Not anymore!

What does it cost to have a celebration?

2006-01-06T02:40:00.000-08:00

Got this from a friend today.... I was lost in memories of few such moments after reading this. So true and wonderful, isn't it?

What does it cost to have a celebration?

A winter evening.
Four friends.
One barsaat.
Four glasses of chai.

Hundred bucks of gas.
A rusty old bike.
And an open road.

Maggi noodles.
A hostel room.
4.25 a.m.

3 old friends.
3 separate cities.
3 coffee mugs.
1 internet messenger.

Rain on a hot tin roof.
Pakoras deep-frying.
Neighbours dropping in.
A party.

You and mom.
A summer night.
A bottle of coconut oil.
A head massage.
Gossiping about absent family members.

You can spend hundreds on birthdays,
thousands on festivals,
lakhs on weddings,
but to celebrate all you have to do is spend your Time.

New Year resolutions

2005-12-31T23:47:00.000-08:00

A good one.... to read on first working day of the year J
What are you - snail or a snake?

We’d been to MGM Dizzy world this sunday… rides n all :)
Had loads of fun :)

New Year resolutions
Barbara Ellen— © Guardian Newspapers Limited 2004

AND SO New Year is upon us — the season to be disgusted with yourself. After several weeks of self-indulgence, you have realised too late that your Christmas gift to yourself is an Alfred Hitchcock silhouette, a hangover that keeps rolling over like an accumulator bet, and the kind of debts that will one day see you classified as the first ever one-person Third World country. At this point, deep within your soul, self-loathing starts hardening like quick-set cement. It is time to make a list, a beautiful, tear-stained list of life-changing resolutions, that will enable you to become the new you, the real you. You know the person you always intended to be before the person you really are turned up and ruined everything.
Why does anyone bother with New Year resolutions? How many people do you meet who say, `I gave up smoking/went on a diet/stopped drinking at New Year, and it all went absolutely brilliantly'? That's right — none. If they erected a statue to New Year's resolutions it would show a person of indeterminate gender with a doughnut in one hand and a cigarette in the other over a plaque saying, `Oops!' There seems to be a gremlin around in January that dooms any attempt at self-improvement to failure. And yet people still persist in believing that New Year magically melts away fat, nicotine cravings, relationship problems, and career voids. These are the same people who spend their lives waiting for the personal epiphany, the Damascene moment when they burst out of their underachieving chrysalis and show the world what they are really made of. This is the tragedy of human existence — we all think we're butterflies waiting to happen, when maybe we're concentrating on the wrong creature.
Snails and snakes
In reality, most of us are snails or snakes. Snails carry everything they know and everything they are on their backs. They are bent over with the weight of it all, and they don't even realise it. The worst thing is, just like real snails, that thing on their back isn't disposable — it is where they live and breathe. Take away a snail's shell and it dies. I'm a snail — my life blighted by imaginary burdens, every movement an effort, every breath a wail of self-pity. By contrast, snakes are geniuses at reinvention, shedding skins, past selves, like other people take off their socks. What they don't realise is that these skins don't just disappear — they lie around the place, creepy rustling superstructures of memories, mistakes and neuroses, complicating everything, getting in the way, just waiting for you to crack, and climb inside them again; have all the same feelings, make all the same mistakes.
Britney Spears is a born `snake', all that determined slithering from small-town America to Mousekateer to world-dominating megastar, and where does she end up — slobbing around her local mall in a pink, stained tracksuit, looking spotty and cranky because her husband doesn't help enough with the bay-bee. Small-town America, budge up and make room for one of your own — Britney has found an old skin, crawled back into it, and it's like she never went away. This is not to sneer at Britney — she is merely an example of someone who literally ran around the world, changing absolutely everything but never quite managed to change what really matters — inside. All of which serves to reminds us that, saint or sinner, snail or snake, the human soul is effectively a boomerang that always comes back exactly the same shape, however hard and far away we try to throw it.
What has any of this got to do with your pathetic doomed (albeit strangely touching) plans to lose weight or quit smoking? Probably nothing. Just a feeling that the big pay-off of the modern disease of self-improvement is that we all fail and end up feeling even more inferior than before. Maybe it's time for us to accept that the `butterfly' might never appear — it got stuck in the chrysalis after eating too much chocolates; or it's already here, and it's a huge disappointment, a bashed-up old moth with delusions of grandeur.
All things considered, better to be a snail or a snake, and support each other as we do what we do best (not much) and greet our gnawing sense of underachievement like an old friend. Snakes envy snails for their stoicism, snails envy snakes for their chutzpah, but it all comes around to the same thing in the end. Genuine change is terrifying and difficult. Let's all give up, go to bed drunk with our shoes on, and cry.

2005-12-29T22:09:00.000-08:00

ShriGanesh
Somebody had mailed me this one on Ganesh Chaturhti.... I liked it very much :)

It's June 2nd Week Again!

2005-06-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

Ahh...It's June 2nd week again! And as usual, I've become nostalgic with the advent of monsoon ;-) Thought I’ll dump something from my latest blog entry on this DL J.
So one more year has gone by….and it's now 2 full yrs out of college. I'm still here in Pune….and so are many of you. Yup, some things have changed for sure….my cubicle for example ;-). I can't look at the lush green fields outside now.
Kinda settled now in Pune and here in Cogni. Especially because I've been spending more time
in academy these days…training/being mentor to freshers. So it gives some visibility in organization and you make many new acquaintances….while it's cool on project front. Last June 2nd week, we’d arranged for a get-together of boys’ hostel batch….had a great fun at Lonavla. Whom else could I laugh-until-it-hurts-your-stomach and crack those PJs with? I dunno why, but it certainly gives immense pleasure to be with those oldies…Coz now I’m not a college kid….a grown up professional (?). But as somebody’s rightly pointed out,
“There’s no point in growing old if you can’t be childish at times ;-) “
Life’s become a bit more complicated now….issues, issues and issues. (This is very bad in fact…I’ve started abusing the use of word “issue”….result of spending time in office ppl I guess.) You’ve people around you….with whom you’re attached with various bonds.
Then there are your personal ambitions in life and your responsibilities. Life still holds loads of promises of sparkling future besides it’s very much enjoyable right now. I feel more satisfied than the previous year…..not completely though. Like I’d said in my earlier blog entry (exactly one yr before), I’m not sure where I will land up finally. The journey called “Life” is in an interesting phase and I’m keeping my fingers crossed…
Regards,
Raman
No Me, No Fun; Know Me, Know Fun !

It's One Year Since We Got Out Of College ;-)

2004-08-20T19:15:00.000-07:00

Hmm... One more year has gone by.
Roller Coaster...yup, it has been indeed.
And here I am....in my cubiclesipping coffee and looking at lush grren fields outside. I've become nostalgic and the events in past year are flashing in front of me.
On 16th Aug. 2003 , I had never thought about Cognizant....or the job even. Things changed...plans changed. The journey called life has been very enriching so far.

Gone are the days When the school reopened in June,
And we settled in our new desks and benches.

Gone are the daysWe started calculating first with tables
and thenwith Clarkes tables and advanced to calculators and computers.

Gone are the daysWith so much fun in them, so many friends,
So much experience, all this and more.
Gone are the days
But not the memories, which will beLingering in our hearts for ever and ever and ever !!!

Satisfaction .....Nop. Now I dunno why...or what exactly do I want ? This Satisfaction is what has eluded me. When I look back....I'v come a bit long on a track which ......... doesn't satisfy me completely but holds loads of promises of bright future for me. I've grown up....economically, professionally, emotionally And I'm verry optimistic and thrilled about the journey ahead. I've plans in my mind. But like it happened in the year gone by, I dunno where will I land up finally. The coming year has to be more eventful....Let's keep our fingers crossed !

I Think , Therefore I Am !

2004-08-16T17:04:00.000-07:00

In the 17th century, the French philosopher Reni Descartes came up with the explanation for it all: I think, therefore I am. I remember this statement being the source of debates in philosophy classes. It was the existential ‘which came first’ story the chicken or the egg.
Years later, I feel that his statement really is a fill-inthe-blanks statement. ‘I think, therefore I am.’ In other words, ‘I think I am angry, therefore I am angry, I think I am tired, therefore I am tired, I think I am busy, therefore I am busy.’
Let’s go back to Descartes and fill in the blanks. I think I am too busy, therefore I am too busy. So the usual conclusion to this thought is I’m too busy to go into the garden this morning thus I don’t go. [I think I am too busy to go into the garden, therefore I am too busy to go into the garden.
What this does is, for one, tell your subconscious mind to keep looking for that answer, and two, keeps the door open to the answer coming through. If you keep saying I can’t remember, well guess what, your subconscious goes, ‘ok, can’t remember,’ and it goes off to lunch and stops trying to remember. End of story. On the other hand, if you say ‘I am remembering’ it will stay ‘on duty’ until it finds the memory you’re asking for. In the same way if you’re searching for the solutions to a problem, if you say to yourself ‘I don’t know what to do’, I think I am unable to find an answer, therefore I am unable to find an answer - there again you’ve
closed the door to the answer coming through. Saying ‘I am able to find the answer’ opens the gate wide for the answers to come to you. We can replace those dead-end thoughts and statements with some that leave the door open for solutions. ‘I think I am able to discover the answer, therefore I am able to discover the answer, I think I am capable of finding a solution, therefore I am capable of finding a solution.’ Now some of you might be saying this is simplistic. Well, yes it is, and that’s the beauty of it. We humans seem to have a tendency to complicate things, when things really are simple First a thought, then an action. First a belief, then a consequence of that belief. A thought, then a result to that thought (action or inaction).
We have disempowered ourselves by thinking ‘small thoughts’ or dead-end thoughts thoughts fulled by low self-esteem, images of unattainable goals (to be like the ‘slimmer-than-life’ model on TV), and thoughts rampant with self-criticism (or criticism of others). Thoughts that are self-defeating [I think I am a failure, therefore. I think I am not smart enough, therefore I think I am unattractive, therefore I think I can’t do this, therefore...
The belief or thought we have sets the tone for our actions, for the life we create. If there’s one thing that can change our lives, it’s to change the nature of our thoughts, of our beliefs. We are not powerless. We are powerful beyond measure.
It’s up to us to fill in the blanks with the reality we desire, not the one we don’t. We can change our reality. We can make a difference in our lives and in the lives of the people around us and in the world.